Ending a relationship, no matter how long or short, due to divorce, is one of the most stressful and painful life events one will ever experience. Even when there are good reasons or positive feelings about it, it is still the death of a dream and the end of one's hope for the relationship. If the ending is shocking or brutal, in the way that some divorces can be, the wounding can be deep and remain unexpressed.

The grief that arises (even when one knows that separation is the right thing) is often overwhelming. Grief, sometimes accompanied by anger (or other feelings) can express itself in many ways in various areas of one's life. One might find oneself getting lonely, anxious or fearful in ways that one did not experience before ending the relationship. One might wonder if it is useful to express all of one's feelings. Or whether one is wallowing in misery rather than moving through the pain. One might also wonder whether it is time to get on with one's life. A skilled therapist can be a valuable asset during these times.

Read More

One typically also feels the effects of divorce in one's body. There could be a lot of muscle tension or perhaps one could be getting sick more easily. Fears about finances, relationships, even questions about who one is now that one is no longer part of a couple, can surface. It is common to experience disturbances in sleeping, eating and focusing. One may feel overwhelmed - feeling that one is just not coping the way one used to. These symptoms are signatures of the divorce process and are addressed in counseling.

When there are children involved in a divorce this can make matters both more heartbreaking and complicated. There are issues of how the children cope with the loss and the changes and how the parents interact with them around this. Typically, the contact between the divorcing couple around issues having to do with their child/children is strained. It is very beneficial for their parents to work out divorce issues with other adults, e.g., in counseling rather than with their children. Talking with a person who understands the nature of divorce can help one, or both parents, to figure out the best way to communicate about parenting issues and scheduling.

During times of crisis talking is strong medicine. Airing one's feelings and organizing one's thoughts, while feeling the support of another person, can help to lower stress. Talking is one of the ways in which one can begin to digest and assimilate the divorce experience. Setting aside time to heal one's wounds is an act of self care and compassion.

Once the grief and loss have passed, it is time to focus on getting beyond divorce. Attending to one's needs is part of the healing process that leads away from divorce and towards the next phase of one's life. Please contact me at my Boulder office for any of the services listed below.

As a practitioner, I am experienced in all phases of divorce counseling:

1. The decision to divorce.
2. Understanding and navigating the legal process, including knowing what your options are.
3. PRE Preparation.
4. Developing parenting plans.
5. Supporting parents through either the CFI or PRE process.
6. Recovering, repairing and refocusing after divorce.